Ancestral Healing

I went for seven months without a blog post this year. Not because so little was happening, but because so much was. I’ve been sharing what I’ve been up to mostly via my Real Men Feel podcast and social media. This year has been nothing short of monumental when it comes to my personal and spiritual growth.

2019 kicked off with a fantastic trip to Israel and Jordan in February. Then, I began one of the most challenging paths someone can choose with the Ritual Master program from the Modern Mystery School. The class part of it started in May, but the energies started stirring up long before that.

Indeed my first day home from vacation in February, fear, and dread started. I was quite terrified that I’d made a mistake and that I was going to discover something horrible. I did a couple of Real Men Feel shows about it in March; When The Going Gets Tough and Feeling The Fears.

I did make it to Toronto, the international headquarters of the Modern Mystery School, in May for the Ritual Master 1 class and initiation. There was a lot of talk about suicide during the program. I felt relief. I felt better.Ritual Master

But the day after my Ritual Master initiation, I was having suicidal thoughts.

Over the next few months, I dared those darkest thoughts to consume me. I stopped doing all the things that made me feel better. I stopped doing my rituals that keep shitty thoughts away or ended them quickly when they show up. I didn’t just give up; I challenged the evil to do whatever it wanted.

I had been booked for a solo adventure to Mt Kilimanjaro in Tanzania in late June. In meditation last year, I got that I needed to make a trip on my own, to climb a mountain. Probably not the way most people select their vacations, but hey – that’s me.

As it got closer, I wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, I had a strong sense that I wouldn’t return. That’s beating around the bush. I had been researching ways I could die while in Africa.

My meditation was correct; I just had the wrong mountain.

During this time, my guide suggested an ancestral healing. It was actually mentioned back in May. I knew I needed it. When I’d first heard of an ancestral healing from a Facebook post last November, I knew I was going to have to do it someday. I wasn’t prepared for someday to be so soon.

Others agreeing that I needed an ancestral healing scared me. Who or what would I be if suicidal thoughts were genuinely gone for good? I thought I’d been done with them numerous times already. Maybe it wasn’t possible? The healing was also a substantial financial commitment, but I finally decided I was worth the investment. What good is saving some money if it costs my life?

On July 1st I decided enough was enough and shared on Facebook how bad I’d been doing. By July 4th I decided I would do this ancestral healing process and I began to feel the best I had all year. You can see what I shared at that time here: Real Men Talk. The decision to live and the decision to heal continued to have me feeling great.

In August, I flew to Toronto and met with Founder Gudni Gudnason of the Modern Mystery School for an in-person ancestral scan and reading. He traced the suicidal energies back through many generations for the origin of this evil in my family.

Founder Gudni determined that the Naugatuck CT grave of my great grandmother, who killed herself before I was born, would be the access point for these energies to be dealt with. For the next three months, people I’d never met in Taiwan and Japan prayed and did rituals for my benefit. What amazed me was that I could feel it. I felt supported in a way I never had before.

I was joyous, excited, and looking forward to things.

The healing was going to culminate in early November at a cemetery in Connecticut. For much of October, I was often getting vicious headaches lasting up to 36 hours. Aside from that, I continued to feel upbeat. 

The night before I was to drive to Connecticut, a whirlwind of anger and fury hit me. I had flashbacks to so many nights of wishing I was dead. All the worst times of my life were flashing before my eyes, fully in the span of a few minutes.

A friend who had done this process last year got me settled down and accompanied me throughout this adventure. We met up with the rest of the team, some driving up from New York and Ipsissimus Hideto joining us from Japan. All the while, still supported by remote people in Taiwan and even Hollywood.

Ipsissimus Hideto and AndyI can’t attempt to explain what happened at that gravesite. I just focused on my part, and I swore I kept hearing someone say my name and seeing shapes moving about from the corners of my eyes. I distinctly recall one moment when an old Kiss song started playing in my head. It stood out because it was the first time any music entered my mind all day. A minute later, Ipsissimus Hideto said, “It is done.”

Now, the training wheels are off.

I still feel fantastic. Lighter, freer, I feel a stronger sense of service, mission, and that I’m indeed supposed to be here more than ever before.

In mid-November, I returned home from Toronto and my second initiation on the Ritual Master path, which is a multi-year journey. My healing work and service to others have never been stronger. I’ve never been more proud of myself. 

I can feel the benefits of clearing that dark energy not only in me but everyone around me, even in all of my ancestors. Words can’t convey how I know that, so I won’t try, but I feel like Divine Grace touched me, and the blessing radiates out in ways I don’t yet comprehend.

This year has felt a decade long. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to make it at times. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to make it plenty of times too. But I’m also glad, thrilled, to have been so wrong.

Much love to you,
Andy

 

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It Is A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I went to see the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, yesterday. I thought it was going to be a traditional biopic on Fred Rogers, the long-time host of the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood children’s program on PBS.

This movie is not the Holywood biography I was expecting. Sure, I learned more about Fred Rogers than I knew going in. Still, it is more about a relatively miserable average man that meets Mr. Rogers. A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood is a deep and healing film that focuses on masculinity, emotions, and specifically, the father wound, unlike any major studio production I’ve seen before.

Fred Rogers is, without a doubt, the patron saint of Real Men Feel.

When I was a kid in the early 1970s, I was not a fan of Mr. Rogers. I don’t recall what age I was when I decided I didn’t like him or his show. I had already experienced enough trauma to determine that the world was not a safe place and that I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I thought Rogers was too soft, weak, and girlie. Opinions that I’m sure were projections of how I felt about myself. Mostly I remember thinking Mr. Rogers was a liar.

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The morning that I saw the film I posted this on Facebook:

I love synchronicities. This morning I drove home from the gym behind a truck that had a message written in dirt on the back.
“Frank. RIP”
My dad’s name.

The synchronicities continued as A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood focused on father and son challenges along with losing a parent.

I encourage every man to see this film. Not only does it deal with men and their emotions, but it does something I’ve never seen before. There is one moment, you won’t be able to miss it, that invites the audience to heal. Please take advantage of that interactive moment. 

Another rare thing happened at the end of the movie. People applauded. When I was a kid, people clapped at the end of movies all the time. These days if it isn’t the opening weekend of the latest Marvel blockbuster, the audience is usually quiet and filters out of the theater. It was such a kind and pleasant experience to hear applause for an adult, manly film.

Fred Rogers was a stronger and more compelling vision of masculinity than I ever realized. Fred had balls.

Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people. ~ Fred Rogers

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities, and Ritual Master with the Modern Mystery School.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood movie poster
This post originally appeared on RealMenFeel.org