Ancestral Healing

I went for seven months without a blog post this year. Not because so little was happening, but because so much was. I’ve been sharing what I’ve been up to mostly via my Real Men Feel podcast and social media. This year has been nothing short of monumental when it comes to my personal and spiritual growth.

2019 kicked off with a fantastic trip to Israel and Jordan in February. Then, I began one of the most challenging paths someone can choose with the Ritual Master program from the Modern Mystery School. The class part of it started in May, but the energies started stirring up long before that.

Indeed my first day home from vacation in February, fear, and dread started. I was quite terrified that I’d made a mistake and that I was going to discover something horrible. I did a couple of Real Men Feel shows about it in March; When The Going Gets Tough and Feeling The Fears.

I did make it to Toronto, the international headquarters of the Modern Mystery School, in May for the Ritual Master 1 class and initiation. There was a lot of talk about suicide during the program. I felt relief. I felt better.Ritual Master

But the day after my Ritual Master initiation, I was having suicidal thoughts.

Over the next few months, I dared those darkest thoughts to consume me. I stopped doing all the things that made me feel better. I stopped doing my rituals that keep shitty thoughts away or ended them quickly when they show up. I didn’t just give up; I challenged the evil to do whatever it wanted.

I had been booked for a solo adventure to Mt Kilimanjaro in Tanzania in late June. In meditation last year, I got that I needed to make a trip on my own, to climb a mountain. Probably not the way most people select their vacations, but hey – that’s me.

As it got closer, I wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, I had a strong sense that I wouldn’t return. That’s beating around the bush. I had been researching ways I could die while in Africa.

My meditation was correct; I just had the wrong mountain.

During this time, my guide suggested an ancestral healing. It was actually mentioned back in May. I knew I needed it. When I’d first heard of an ancestral healing from a Facebook post last November, I knew I was going to have to do it someday. I wasn’t prepared for someday to be so soon.

Others agreeing that I needed an ancestral healing scared me. Who or what would I be if suicidal thoughts were genuinely gone for good? I thought I’d been done with them numerous times already. Maybe it wasn’t possible? The healing was also a substantial financial commitment, but I finally decided I was worth the investment. What good is saving some money if it costs my life?

On July 1st I decided enough was enough and shared on Facebook how bad I’d been doing. By July 4th I decided I would do this ancestral healing process and I began to feel the best I had all year. You can see what I shared at that time here: Real Men Talk. The decision to live and the decision to heal continued to have me feeling great.

In August, I flew to Toronto and met with Founder Gudni Gudnason of the Modern Mystery School for an in-person ancestral scan and reading. He traced the suicidal energies back through many generations for the origin of this evil in my family.

Founder Gudni determined that the Naugatuck CT grave of my great grandmother, who killed herself before I was born, would be the access point for these energies to be dealt with. For the next three months, people I’d never met in Taiwan and Japan prayed and did rituals for my benefit. What amazed me was that I could feel it. I felt supported in a way I never had before.

I was joyous, excited, and looking forward to things.

The healing was going to culminate in early November at a cemetery in Connecticut. For much of October, I was often getting vicious headaches lasting up to 36 hours. Aside from that, I continued to feel upbeat. 

The night before I was to drive to Connecticut, a whirlwind of anger and fury hit me. I had flashbacks to so many nights of wishing I was dead. All the worst times of my life were flashing before my eyes, fully in the span of a few minutes.

A friend who had done this process last year got me settled down and accompanied me throughout this adventure. We met up with the rest of the team, some driving up from New York and Ipsissimus Hideto joining us from Japan. All the while, still supported by remote people in Taiwan and even Hollywood.

Ipsissimus Hideto and AndyI can’t attempt to explain what happened at that gravesite. I just focused on my part, and I swore I kept hearing someone say my name and seeing shapes moving about from the corners of my eyes. I distinctly recall one moment when an old Kiss song started playing in my head. It stood out because it was the first time any music entered my mind all day. A minute later, Ipsissimus Hideto said, “It is done.”

Now, the training wheels are off.

I still feel fantastic. Lighter, freer, I feel a stronger sense of service, mission, and that I’m indeed supposed to be here more than ever before.

In mid-November, I returned home from Toronto and my second initiation on the Ritual Master path, which is a multi-year journey. My healing work and service to others have never been stronger. I’ve never been more proud of myself. 

I can feel the benefits of clearing that dark energy not only in me but everyone around me, even in all of my ancestors. Words can’t convey how I know that, so I won’t try, but I feel like Divine Grace touched me, and the blessing radiates out in ways I don’t yet comprehend.

This year has felt a decade long. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to make it at times. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to make it plenty of times too. But I’m also glad, thrilled, to have been so wrong.

Much love to you,
Andy

 

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It Is A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

I went to see the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, yesterday. I thought it was going to be a traditional biopic on Fred Rogers, the long-time host of the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood children’s program on PBS.

This movie is not the Holywood biography I was expecting. Sure, I learned more about Fred Rogers than I knew going in. Still, it is more about a relatively miserable average man that meets Mr. Rogers. A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood is a deep and healing film that focuses on masculinity, emotions, and specifically, the father wound, unlike any major studio production I’ve seen before.

Fred Rogers is, without a doubt, the patron saint of Real Men Feel.

When I was a kid in the early 1970s, I was not a fan of Mr. Rogers. I don’t recall what age I was when I decided I didn’t like him or his show. I had already experienced enough trauma to determine that the world was not a safe place and that I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I thought Rogers was too soft, weak, and girlie. Opinions that I’m sure were projections of how I felt about myself. Mostly I remember thinking Mr. Rogers was a liar.

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The morning that I saw the film I posted this on Facebook:

I love synchronicities. This morning I drove home from the gym behind a truck that had a message written in dirt on the back.
“Frank. RIP”
My dad’s name.

The synchronicities continued as A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood focused on father and son challenges along with losing a parent.

I encourage every man to see this film. Not only does it deal with men and their emotions, but it does something I’ve never seen before. There is one moment, you won’t be able to miss it, that invites the audience to heal. Please take advantage of that interactive moment. 

Another rare thing happened at the end of the movie. People applauded. When I was a kid, people clapped at the end of movies all the time. These days if it isn’t the opening weekend of the latest Marvel blockbuster, the audience is usually quiet and filters out of the theater. It was such a kind and pleasant experience to hear applause for an adult, manly film.

Fred Rogers was a stronger and more compelling vision of masculinity than I ever realized. Fred had balls.

Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people. ~ Fred Rogers

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities, and Ritual Master with the Modern Mystery School.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.

A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood movie poster
This post originally appeared on RealMenFeel.org

The Table

Mosaic Tree of Life table

The Table

This is a handmade mosaic table of the Tree of Life we bought while in Jordan last month. It was made at a mosaic center employing disabled artists. A program created by the Queen of Jordan trains disabled adults for years to work with mosaics then places them in artist centers to create stunning pieces by hand and with naturally occurring rock colors.

As soon as we heard this description, I knew we were going to buy something there. Then the kicker, all taxes and shipping back home are covered by the Queen. Wow! I thought, then quickly realized that just meant all of that is built into the prices.

My wife Lori called me over saying she loved this table. I said, great, get it. She asked the price, and in my multi-country, currency-confused, vacation high it didn’t really connect with me. I recall it seemed expensive, but was glad to support this place and international travel always makes me realize how fortunate I am. I saw a wall piece depicting Petra that I liked and said we want that too.

Petra mosaic

Petra mosaic

Our guide came over to help negotiate a lower price, which was still high, but I was strong with my decision since Lori really liked it. It didn’t hit me until later how much it cost. The entire place seemed very excited we were buying the table. They gave Lori extra gifts of some Dead Sea mud products and sent a big box of cookies to our bus as a thank you.

Regret was quickly building as somehow I heard hundreds when it was actually thousands.

For the rest of the trip, I secretly hoped my credit card would reject it, or the table would be lost in shipping. The table became a symbol of my stupid decisions and short-sightedness. For the rest of the trip, I joked about not buying other things by referencing the world’s most expensive table waiting to join us back home. “The table” became an ominous thing bringing financial ruin and doom.

We were home for two weeks before it arrived.

When it did show up, I felt even more like an idiot. Not only was it the most expensive table I’ve ever owned, but I’m also pretty sure its the most expensive piece of furniture we’ve have ever had. Which may seem outlandish or point to the fact that I’m pretty cheap when it comes to home furnishings.

Yesterday, I was home alone looking at it and decided instead of having this bad joke of a decision haunt me; I was going to forever see this table as a symbol of my wealth and abundance. The Tree of Life always brings more. More growth, more fruits, more fuel. I’m more than worthy of a beautiful, handmade, mosaic table – especially if my wife wants it. 🙂

#reframe #royalty #worthy #TheTable

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To Be More or Not To Be More

With all due apologies to Shakespeare, that is the real question. At least it is for me.

I already am a being. I already am being, so nothing to question there. But, am I ready and willing to be more?

One of my daily rituals is asking what my purpose is. This morning I received one of the shortest answers I’ve ever gotten. To be more.

The simplicity of that purpose felt refreshing and freeing. I’m often looking for exact things to be, actions to take, missions to be a part of. Sometimes it can leave me feeling like whatever I’ve done so far hasn’t been correct or I’ve missed my best opportunities. If I keep asking the question, I must not know my purpose.

Shine onI’ve spent what feels like a lifetime battling thoughts of not being enough. You can insert any word before enough too; young, old, thin, fat, smart, rich… With my history of tormenting, self-judgment, and depressive thinking, can I feel I’m enough to enjoy myself and my life right here and now and ALSO be willing to be more?

Can I be more of a good person, an authentic man, a loving partner, a caring friend, an open-hearted healer, an inspiring writer and speaker, a more empathic human… Can I be more of the of the Love and the Light I experience in meditation and healings? Yes. I’m sure of it.

Life is about more. Change is the only constant in life.

In working with the Akashic Records, a common message is that there is more, we are entitled and worthy of more.

  • More is good.
  • More is expansive.
  • More is progress.

The universe is expanding at an accelerating rate because we, all of us human beings, are expanding too. I don’t mean our waistlines. I’m referring to our expansive desires, thoughts, goals, and actions. So you could say that we all have a very important role; to keep being more so that the universe continues to grow.

I believe our potential is unlimited. I think we can all be more, without it being an indictment of where we are currently. Pursuing more doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with this moment. Wanting more doesn’t mean you aren’t enough right now.

The challenge, for me and many others I meet, is the willingness to do the work. To look deep within ourselves. To call ourselves out when we are choosing to be less than our best. To admit, with compassion, when we are choosing to step backward instead of forwards.

Sharing this is one way I’m attempting to step forward. I hope you’ll join me in being more of all your greatest aspects.

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Emotions and Vacations

Everybody loves vacations, right?

Apparently not, since 47% of Americans didn’t take all of their vacation time in 2017 and 21% left more than five available vacation days up for grabs.

Above the Treasury at Petra

Above the iconic Treasury at Petra, Jordan.

My wife and I recently returned home for a two week trip to the Middle East, spending one week in Israel and the next week in Jordan. The rock-carved city of Petra was the main reason behind the trip. But both countries had a lot to offer and warrant repeat visits.

We had a fantastic time full of ancient sites, sacred places, and friendly people. I learned a lot about the religion and politics of the area and found I had many misconceptions about the Middle East from growing up in the US. My time in Israel was probably the most intellectually and politically challenging trip I’ve taken. We talked with Arabs, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Palestinians, Isralies, and Jordanians.

Toward the final days, I noticed moments of sadness that things were winding down.

The sadness was mixed with a feeling that two weeks was long enough and I was ready to return home. I recalled years earlier when it was normal for me to feel depressed with days remaining of a vacation because I so dreaded my return to daily life.

Some people like vacations of sitting on the beach and doing nothing. I prefer active holidays where I do things I don’t usually do, especially when I worked as a cube dweller for corporate America.

When I tried to just lay on the beach in the past, my thoughts would turn negative. I’d focus on all the things I didn’t like instead of relaxing. Then I’d drink to remove those thoughts. That worked in the short term, but if I just wanted to drink, I could do that at home much cheaper, so I quickly stopped those sort of trips too.

I’ve visited such places as Machu Pichu, Stonehenge, and Easter Island. I’ve been white water rafting, rappelling, and hiking in Europe, South America, and Africa. A staycation can be nice, but my favorite vacations are ones when I need another vacation to recover from them.

Floating in the Dead Sea

Floating in the Dead Sea

Even today, I can recall being in the jungles of Belize in 2005, but feeling very down because the following Monday I’d be back at work. It was a time that I thought I hated my job, and sometimes my life. Yet, a few days prior, I was enjoying myself and life.

These realizations helped me learn the power of being present.

When fully present, I felt better. I wondered why was it that I was time traveling in my thinking.

Why was I ignoring the fantastic experiences I was having to jump forward to my return to the mundane?

I decided that since I could be full of energy and joy on a vacation when I was present and focused on what I was doing, that I would do my best to live like I was on vacation. All the time.

I did pretty well at that for a long time. Treating each day like it was new. Looking for things that were unusual, special, and fun. If those weren’t apparent, I find a way to bring those elements to what I was doing.

The Western Wall

The Western Wall, or Wailing Wall, in the Old City of Jerusalem.

So as I noticed some sadness as this trip was winding down, I explored what exactly I was feeling sad about.

I was going to miss the people. We were a group of 13 in Israel and then 16 in Jordan. I liked my instant family of global citizens traveling, sharing, dining together for long days full of once in a lifetime experiences.

Back home, I often work in isolation. I sometimes forget to admit to myself that I actually like people. I was going to miss having a guide take me to amazing new places every day. I was going to miss having every day planned by someone else when I just needed to show up and be marveled. I would miss walking into restaurants and recognizing a dozen faces. There was no responsibility or stress. Just being present and amazed.

Realizing that I was sad over what was ending as opposed to what I was returning to, made me smile.

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