“You’re Just Like Your Father!”

Did you hear, “You’re just like your father!” often when growing up?

Was it ever meant as a compliment? Was it always a put-down? Was it said sarcastically, with anger, with love…?
Being told we are just like our father was rarely meant to be a good thing for many men I’ve met.

My parents got divorced when I was five years old and it was very acrimonious. My mother didn’t say many good things about my dad. In times of frustration, where my mother and I were butting heads the most, she would sometimes say, “you’re just like your father.”

I clearly remember when I was about seven years old, my grandmother once remarking that I stood like my father. I recall being momentarily stunned, not sure how to receive that. Was it okay to be like my dad? Was she pointing out something wrong about me? And, how did she even know my father? I had no memory of them together.

That was one of the rare bits of evidence that my parents did indeed have some background. I had no memory of them together, hadn’t even seen wedding photos. I had to take their word for it that they were ever married.

Sometimes my dad would say “That’s my boy” with a bit of pride

But the times I heard that the most were when I was in trouble, acting out as a kid, or dealing with depression. It was a very mixed message.

When I first shared this video on Facebook, other men commented that “Like father like son” was another phrase they heard and not as a compliment. Guys said they didn’t like these comparisons when they were growing up, but they choose to take them as compliments as adults.

Many men shared the experience of meeting people later in life who thought their fathers were great guys. I remember how moved I was at my father’s memorial service when so many of his friends told me what a supportive man he had been for them.

Regardless of what other people said, are you comfortable being like your dad?

Can you see the best in your father?

I recently interviewed someone who does an astounding job of that.
Listen to Real Men Feel – Regular Guy Chat with Billy at Apple Podcasts
or Spotify.
Watch it on YouTube.

Or right here, right now.

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About The Author
Andy Grant

Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Infinite Possibilities, and more.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.

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Photo by Harika G on Unsplash

55 Things I’m Grateful For

55 things I’m grateful for that would’ve surprised me at age 25.

July 1st was my birthday, and I wanted to do something to celebrate living another year other than complain and lament it. I don’t know when society shifted from admiring older people to worshipping youth. The only alternative to living longer is no longer being here. Hopefully, respect, admiration, and meaningful consultation with our elders becomes the “in thing” again.

I had the idea of making a list of what I”m grateful for that would surprise me at a younger age. My goal was 55, as that is now my age. I spoke them to my phone, listing all I could think of. Today, I finally made that note into a numbered list to see if I was at all close to my goal. It was 55 on the nose.

Here’s my original brainstormed list.
  1. I weigh at least 20 pounds less than I did at age 25.
  2. I am stronger and more fit than I was at age 25.
  3. I do not take any prescription medication.
  4. I have not had alcohol in 2 1/2 years.
  5. I have visited 23 countries.
  6. I have seen Metallica 35 times live.
  7. I’ve been married for 23 years.
  8. I continue to take classes and learn each year.
  9. I have quit far more jobs than I have ever been fired or laid off from.
  10. I have written and published 8 books.
  11. I’ve been a couple of feet from mountain gorillas in the wild.
  12. I’ve worked on more television shows and movies than I can remember.
  13. I am 0° of separation away from Kevin bacon.
  14. I have met all of my favorite bands.
  15. I drive my dream car, the Tesla Model X.
  16. I have hosted over 245 episodes of Real Men Feel.
  17. I have attended more than 236 concerts.
  18. I still love amusement parks and roller coasters.
  19. I have coached hundreds of people to lives of greater happiness and meaning.
  20. I have performed over 1,000 Akashic records readings.
  21. I have been happier each decade of my life than the prior one.
  22. I have coached hundreds of people to publish their first book.
  23. I have made a positive impact on more lives than I will ever be aware of.
  24. More people have made a positive impact on my life than I will ever be aware of.
  25. I am part of a 3,000+-year-old lineage of healers.
  26. I’ve only had sex with one person for 26 years.
  27. I haven’t had red meat in a year and a half.
  28. I do intermittent fasting of 18 to 20 hours each day.
  29. I’ve adopted three dogs and two cats from shelters.
  30. I love to meditate.
  31. I am a professional actor.
  32. I pray every day.
  33. I am a professional screenwriter.
  34. My house always smells like sage.
  35. I’m a professional speaker.
  36. I love to cry at the movies.
  37. I get paid for being me.
  38. I have been a multimillionaire, and I’ve been on welfare.
  39. I still like to play with Lego.
  40. I’ve produced and directed award-winning television shows.
  41. I sing at the top of my lungs every time I’m alone in my car.
  42. I’d rather be 55 than 25.
  43. I sold my collection of over 250 Concert t-shirts.
  44. I used to think I was a quitter.
  45. I’ve seen Kiss enough times to be bored by seeing Kiss.
  46. I still turn all the lights off, crank up the music, and dance around my house like I’m on stage.
  47. I like yoga.
  48. I take Barre classes.
  49. Sushi is my favorite meal.
  50. I’m more flexible today than I was at age 25.
  51. I’m psychic, and you are too.
  52. I’ve lost track of how many radio shows, television shows, and podcasts I’ve been a guest on.
  53. Physically and mentally, 55 feels pretty much the same as 35 did.
  54. I can honestly say that I love myself.
  55. I am blessed to still be alive.

 

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Infinite Possibilities, and more.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.

To All The Good Men of The World

Father’s Day is one of those days that seems to upset as many as joyously greet it. Some people have lost their fathers or are estranged from them. Some never met their fathers, and many adult men aren’t dads themselves.

But whether we are close to them or not, we all had a father.

Even if we never met him, and we all know fathers.

I am not a father, and mine is no longer with us, so I celebrated Father’s Day by taking one of my favorite dads to lunch. Demetri Albizu’s young enough to be my son but feels like a brother. I honor all the men out there living with an open heart and proving how beautiful and supportive masculinity can be.

This made me realize that for any holiday that might trigger us, make us feel sad, or focus on something we don’t have, there is also the opportunity to reach out to someone and create a new tradition. Be it Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Secretary’s Day…whatever, and look for someone you might celebrate and honor in your life.

Be good to yourselves.
Andy

The Interview That Ended My Policy of Always Saying Yes

For years, I’ve had a standing policy of saying yes to every opportunity to speak. After dropping out of college to avoid a mandatory public speaking class, I’ve since agreed to be on everything from public access television to CNN and ABC’s Nightline, along with countless podcasts, radio shows, and internet programs. That has come to an end courtesy of Jesse Lee Peterson.

Here’s what I said on Facebook the day I was on his show, January 27, 2021.

The Aftermath

That afternoon and night, my YouTube videos we besieged by name-calling and insults – some of which I found to be hilarious. I discovered Jesse had a large following and spouted all sorts of things I don’t align with at all, which is why I’d never heard of him.

The most challenging thing was not to answer back. To just let the hate sit there. Some of the commenters were reported, and YouTube quickly deleted the worst comments. When I found the original interview on JLP’s channel with over 600 ripping me, I was amazed at how easily I could stop reading them and move on. The next morning I was interviewed for an online summit: Embody Your Masculine Summit. That launches later in February, and I felt that balance had been restored to the Force. 🙂

Amid all the attacks online, some light did come through in a handful of messages, comments, and tweets:
“I just watched your interview on Jesse Lee Peterson show and wanted to say keep doing what you are doing and I agree with everything you said 100%.”

I’m not going to link to my appearance as I don’t want to introduce his sewage to more people, but it is just a YouTube search away if you really want to see it.

On Sunday, January 31, I shared this update.

Honestly, this has been a fantastic experience.

The contrast of being attacked online by people who seem to think that’s what a true man does, and spending the weekend in a live virtual event with Mary Morrissey, DreamBuilder Live, gave me such a clear path and choice. All the men living in pain and fear, who think that is the best they can do, makes me truly sad, but it also inspires me. The few brave souls who reached out to thank me for what I shared and to keep going won’t be forgotten.

Thanks to my friend, Jenny, I now ask, “What’s your angle?” when someone asks me to be on their program.

The only opinion of you that matters is your own.

Be good to yourself,
Andy

 

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Photo by camilo jimenez on Unsplash