I had the pleasure of guesting on a couple of podcasts that were released this week, with some wildly divergent topics. Yet, at the core, racism, and suicide are about dehumanization. Dehumanizing an “other,” or dehumanizing ourselves.
Blake Johnson hosts, Diary of a Mad Black Man, and our initial discussion on racism in America was called WTF!? on Real Men Feel back in May. Nobody is naive enough to think that one conversation will change everything. Still, I do believe that more and more people engaging in open-hearted discussions about closing the gaps between one another can.
In this diary entry, I invite Andy on the podcast to do a part 2 of WTF! Me and Andy connected in the podcast world and created an episode together WTF Ep 189 on Real Men Feel, towards to beginning of June.
Prior to that, we were on a panel together to discuss being black in America but – Andy is a white man. However, as I’ve grown to know him, I have found him to be an ally in this movement towards black liberation, equality, and freedom. We came together because since these episodes, he has used his platform to push the culture forward and educate himself on his own white privilege and use it for good.
This episode is heavy and it is not enough. However, it is one step forward in the right direction to bring change to the society we currently live in. I appreciate Andy for the work he is doing, being honest, vulnerable, and transparent. We are all in this together.
You can listen right here or on your favorite podcast app.
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Suicide Noted is a weekly podcast in which suicide attempt survivors share their stories in their own words. For episode 19, host Sean Wellington talked to Andy in Massachusetts. SPOILER ALERT: I’m Andy in Massachusetts.
In this show, I share my story plus lessons learned and offer advice on how to help people dealing with suicidal thoughts.
3:50– Can you tell me about your suicide attempt? 7:15– Is there a WHY? 10:40– Can you put words to that kind of pain? 12:10– What’s it like to wake up? 15:40– do you ever ideate? 17:00– If you attempt suicide, are you mentally ill? 19:35– Did you ever get a diagnosis that felt right? 20:15– How did people respond? 27:05– When did you start to change? 32:10– How do you reach someone who is suicidal? 36:00– What’s Real Men Feel about? 38:30– What if someone’s contemplating? 39:40– What about to those in positions of support? 42:15– How’s the lockdown been? 46:20– How can people work with you? 49:10– What do you do for fun?
I hope you find some value in these podcasts. Please share them with others.
If you know of a show you think I should be on, tell me about it.
Be good to yourself,
Andy
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https://i0.wp.com/theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/Untitled-design.png?fit=600%2C315&ssl=1315600Andy Granthttp://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.pngAndy Grant2020-09-24 16:44:552020-09-24 16:44:55From Suicide to Racism: Talking About It All
Nobody wants to own up to being a fully conscious, angry, attacking racist, but racism is much more than that. I can say that I am a racist because I’m sure there are ways I treat people of color differently than white people. I might like to pretend that I’m not aware of them. But I am aware of some habits (laughing at racial jokes, being more on guard around black men, avoiding “bad” areas). Because I’m a nice guy, I and other whites don’t call that racist.
Racism is a spectrum. It isn’t only evil acts of violence against people of color. It is a slight, a joke, a judgment you don’t even realize you made. It’s moving your wallet into a front pocket before nearing certain groups or halting a conversation until someone is out of earshot. It is insidious. If we aren’t willing to acknowledge it, to be more aware of it, it will never be gone.
For my podcast, Real Men Feel, I recently did an episode with Chris Miller called What Can White People Do About Racism? Perhaps naively, some comments surprised me.
A few of the first Facebook comments included:
“I find the suggestion that white men should do something about racism, highly offensive.”
“In the first country to abolish slavery within 150 years of existence?”
“I am pissed off with all this talk about white racism.”
There were many more mentioning the end of slavery, crimes against whites, and just being sick and tired of talking about racism. I’m pretty sure most of those initial dozen comments were from people only reacting to the title and who never listened to the show.
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The feedback made me finally read, White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism. A book I’d heard mentioned many times and that my wife had encouraged me to read for months. Had I read this book before doing the podcast, I could have written most of the defensive comments ahead of time with tremendous accuracy.
By the end of White Fragility, it can feel like white people can’t and shouldn’t say anything ever again. Everything is offensive to somebody. Issues of race run deep and consist of many different layers. Reading White Fragility is discovering there is a Grand Canyon of racism in you.
The harsh, good/evil line defining racism makes us comfortable but also keeps us in it. Pointing to a solitary, violent act and calling it racism is easy. It is much more challenging to see the subtle ways I operate as a racist.
It is tough to say I liked reading White Fragility. I am glad I read it, but it is challenging and upsetting. I was, at times, defensive, dismissive, and in agreement. Everything besides agreeing is in alignment with the book’s premise, so any reaction you have can be seen as proving the point, or you can use it as fuel for your denial that it is all nonsense.
Ideally, over time perhaps, you’ll soften while reading it. I’m not even going to talk about the content of the book more, because it will most likely just trigger you and make you not want to read it.
I found reading this book is best as a solitary, private experience giving you time to pause and examine your own experiences, beliefs, and reactions to what you read.
The unconscious biases of white people have been enforced for centuries. Uncovering them is not pleasurable, but I do believe it can make a better world for all people. White Americans have been socialized to embrace so many ideologies that keep racism intact. Before you change anything, you have to become aware of it.
If you are willing to dig deep, be challenged, and be wrong about many of your thoughts and actions over the years, I recommend reading this.
I’m glad I didn’t read White Fragility when I first heard of it. I don’t believe I would have been as open to receiving it without first having been part of many public discussions about race on a variety of podcasts in the past few months.
As a coach and life-long student, I can’t pretend to guess how many times I’ve heard that to grow, we need to get out of our comfort zone. NOT talking about race is a huge comfort zone for white people. We all need to be willing to be uncomfortable but know that we are safe in doing so. It takes effort. Hopefully, we give becoming more aware of our conscious and unconscious racism effort. But our privilege as white people is that we don’t have to.
About The Author Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities, and Ritual Master with the Modern Mystery School.
Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.
https://i0.wp.com/theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/john-cameron-jrCwROaQxt0-unsplash600.jpg?fit=600%2C320&ssl=1320600Andy Granthttp://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.pngAndy Grant2020-08-26 21:05:262020-08-26 21:08:28Am I Racist?
There’s been no shortage of news, challenges, and opportunities this year, and many events, gatherings, and ceremonies have been put off. The world of podcasts is one area that has been booming. In addition to my show, Real Men Feel, I’m often a guest on other shows talking about modern masculinity, suicide prevention, energy work, and doing my best to shine my light.
Last October, I was interviewed for a series that was looking at James Arthur Ray. He was one of the stars of The Secret, which is how I first heard of him in December 2006. He became a top leader in the self-help space for years and appeared on Oprah, Larry King, and had a best selling book. It seemed like a tremendous career until tragedies struck at his live events culminating in three deaths in a Sedona sweat lodge in 2009. I was not at that event, but my wife and I did attend one a few months earlier in San Diego called Creating Absolute Wealth, where I witnessed a woman jump to her death. The series, Guru: The Dark Side of Enlightenment, was released in July.
At first, listening to it was difficult. I hadn’t thought about those events for years, and the series transported me back there a little too well. This was my first time being involved with a slick, highly produced podcast as opposed to simple conversations. I think they did a decent, well-rounded job. You can find it on all podcast platforms. In this week’s Real Men Feel, I spoke with the host of Guru, Matt Stroud.
I was recently a guest on MANifest TV with Nancy Benitez. Nancy talks to men about love. We talked about some of my relationship challenges and recommendations for dealing with communication and self-care during this pandemic. It’s a quick 22-minute show.
I had a podcat first on my Beat The Clock appearance, Michelle Rubio-Garcia surprised me with a rendition of Happy Birthday and dubbed me the convicted feeler. We talked about how past traumas and suffering can be what makes you re-direct your life (into finding your purpose) and motivate you to challenge inherited stereotypes. I also touched on the importance of shattering silence, all while I answered: who was I? who am I? and who will I be? An enjoyable and interesting format. You can listen to Beat The Clock on all podcast platforms or watch it here.
Michelle’s favorite takeaways:
The bravest thing you can do is speak up: you will almost NEVER get a bad reaction if you speak from a place of vulnerabilities. In fact, those might be the most life-changing conversations you may have.
You need to feel everything, even the bad. If you don’t, negative feelings manifest themselves into physical, harmful actions in your life.
Responsibility gives you power, not pressure.
Be clear: clarity brings you happiness and brings you into alignment.
It was cool to connect with these two women, and I encourage you to check their podcasts out. And I wish Michelle would write up her favorite takeaways from every conversation I have 🙂
I also had an outstanding, long conversation with Pastor Marcus Bakkar on his podcast, Straight Talk No Chaser covering my suicidal past, giving up, God, faith, and hope. Definitely worth a listen.
If you know of a show you think I should be on, or want to suggest a guest for Real Men Feel, give me a shout.
I went for seven months without a blog post this year. Not because so little was happening, but because so much was. I’ve been sharing what I’ve been up to mostly via my Real Men Feel podcast and social media. This year has been nothing short of monumental when it comes to my personal and spiritual growth.
2019 kicked off with a fantastic trip to Israel and Jordan in February. Then, I began one of the most challenging paths someone can choose with the Ritual Master program from the Modern Mystery School. The class part of it started in May, but the energies started stirring up long before that.
Indeed my first day home from vacation in February, fear, and dread started. I was quite terrified that I’d made a mistake and that I was going to discover something horrible. I did a couple of Real Men Feel shows about it in March; When The Going Gets Tough and Feeling The Fears.
I did make it to Toronto, the international headquarters of the Modern Mystery School, in May for the Ritual Master 1 class and initiation. There was a lot of talk about suicide during the program. I felt relief. I felt better.
But the day after my Ritual Master initiation, I was having suicidal thoughts.
Over the next few months, I dared those darkest thoughts to consume me. I stopped doing all the things that made me feel better. I stopped doing my rituals that keep shitty thoughts away or ended them quickly when they show up. I didn’t just give up; I challenged the evil to do whatever it wanted.
I had been booked for a solo adventure to Mt Kilimanjaro in Tanzania in late June. In meditation last year, I got that I needed to make a trip on my own, to climb a mountain. Probably not the way most people select their vacations, but hey – that’s me.
As it got closer, I wasn’t looking forward to it. In fact, I had a strong sense that I wouldn’t return. That’s beating around the bush. I had been researching ways I could die while in Africa.
My meditation was correct; I just had the wrong mountain.
During this time, my guide suggested an ancestral healing. It was actually mentioned back in May. I knew I needed it. When I’d first heard of an ancestral healing from a Facebook post last November, I knew I was going to have to do it someday. I wasn’t prepared for someday to be so soon.
Others agreeing that I needed an ancestral healing scared me. Who or what would I be if suicidal thoughts were genuinely gone for good? I thought I’d been done with them numerous times already. Maybe it wasn’t possible? The healing was also a substantial financial commitment, but I finally decided I was worth the investment. What good is saving some money if it costs my life?
On July 1st I decided enough was enough and shared on Facebook how bad I’d been doing. By July 4th I decided I would do this ancestral healing process and I began to feel the best I had all year. You can see what I shared at that time here: Real Men Talk. The decision to live and the decision to heal continued to have me feeling great.
In August, I flew to Toronto and met with Founder Gudni Gudnason of the Modern Mystery School for an in-person ancestral scan and reading. He traced the suicidal energies back through many generations for the origin of this evil in my family.
Founder Gudni determined that the Naugatuck CT grave of my great grandmother, who killed herself before I was born, would be the access point for these energies to be dealt with. For the next three months, people I’d never met in Taiwan and Japan prayed and did rituals for my benefit. What amazed me was that I could feel it. I felt supported in a way I never had before.
I was joyous, excited, and looking forward to things.
The healing was going to culminate in early November at a cemetery in Connecticut. For much of October, I was often getting vicious headaches lasting up to 36 hours. Aside from that, I continued to feel upbeat.
The night before I was to drive to Connecticut, a whirlwind of anger and fury hit me. I had flashbacks to so many nights of wishing I was dead. All the worst times of my life were flashing before my eyes, fully in the span of a few minutes.
A friend who had done this process last year got me settled down and accompanied me throughout this adventure. We met up with the rest of the team, some driving up from New York and Ipsissimus Hideto joining us from Japan. All the while, still supported by remote people in Taiwan and even Hollywood.
I can’t attempt to explain what happened at that gravesite. I just focused on my part, and I swore I kept hearing someone say my name and seeing shapes moving about from the corners of my eyes. I distinctly recall one moment when an old Kiss song started playing in my head. It stood out because it was the first time any music entered my mind all day. A minute later, Ipsissimus Hideto said, “It is done.”
Now, the training wheels are off.
I still feel fantastic. Lighter, freer, I feel a stronger sense of service, mission, and that I’m indeed supposed to be here more than ever before.
In mid-November, I returned home from Toronto and my second initiation on the Ritual Master path, which is a multi-year journey. My healing work and service to others have never been stronger. I’ve never been more proud of myself.
I can feel the benefits of clearing that dark energy not only in me but everyone around me, even in all of my ancestors. Words can’t convey how I know that, so I won’t try, but I feel like Divine Grace touched me, and the blessing radiates out in ways I don’t yet comprehend.
This year has felt a decade long. I honestly wasn’t sure I was going to make it at times. I was pretty sure I didn’t want to make it plenty of times too. But I’m also glad, thrilled, to have been so wrong.
I went to see the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, yesterday. I thought it was going to be a traditional biopic on Fred Rogers, the long-time host of the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood children’s program on PBS.
This movie is not the Holywood biography I was expecting. Sure, I learned more about Fred Rogers than I knew going in. Still, it is more about a relatively miserable average man that meets Mr. Rogers. A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood is a deep and healing film that focuses on masculinity, emotions, and specifically, the father wound, unlike any major studio production I’ve seen before.
Fred Rogers is, without a doubt, the patron saint of Real Men Feel.
When I was a kid in the early 1970s, I was not a fan of Mr. Rogers. I don’t recall what age I was when I decided I didn’t like him or his show. I had already experienced enough trauma to determine that the world was not a safe place and that I should keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I thought Rogers was too soft, weak, and girlie. Opinions that I’m sure were projections of how I felt about myself. Mostly I remember thinking Mr. Rogers was a liar.
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The morning that I saw the film I posted this on Facebook:
I love synchronicities. This morning I drove home from the gym behind a truck that had a message written in dirt on the back. “Frank. RIP” My dad’s name.
The synchronicities continued as A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood focused on father and son challenges along with losing a parent.
I encourage every man to see this film. Not only does it deal with men and their emotions, but it does something I’ve never seen before. There is one moment, you won’t be able to miss it, that invites the audience to heal. Please take advantage of that interactive moment.
Another rare thing happened at the end of the movie. People applauded. When I was a kid, people clapped at the end of movies all the time. These days if it isn’t the opening weekend of the latest Marvel blockbuster, the audience is usually quiet and filters out of the theater. It was such a kind and pleasant experience to hear applause for an adult, manly film.
Fred Rogers was a stronger and more compelling vision of masculinity than I ever realized. Fred had balls.
Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people. ~ Fred Rogers
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About The Author Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities, and Ritual Master with the Modern Mystery School.
Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.
https://i0.wp.com/theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/fred_rogers-600.jpg?fit=600%2C338&ssl=1338600Andy Granthttp://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.pngAndy Grant2019-12-18 16:20:592019-12-18 16:20:59It Is A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood
Andy Grant is a 
Andy Grant is a 