This month I decided to embark on an energetic and emotional cleanse with Panache Desai known as a Deep Density Detox. It is just 8 days long with some morning and evening meditations, group calls and daily video training from Panache. When I saw the video invite to this program a few weeks ago, I was immediately in tears and knew it was something I was needing. I decided it would be cool to do a daily video. Once I started however, creating a video diary did not feel like such a cool thing, but I stuck with it.
Here are the first 4 days of my journey.
Day 1, Oct 19, 2015. Terror and wanting to be liked.
Day 2, Oct 20, 2015. I am not my stories nor am I my past experiences.
Day 3, Oct 21, 2015. Dissolving limited beliefs.
Day 4, Oct 22, 2015. Detaching from drama.
Being fully conscious – or at least attempting to be – is no pleasure cruise. I trust that my open sharing somehow serves you in your personal growth.
Be good to yourself,
http://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.png00Andy Granthttp://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.pngAndy Grant2015-10-22 17:45:462015-10-22 17:45:46Deep Density Detox, Part 1
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Join Lori Grant, Andy Grant, Project Positive Change founder, Leigh Daniel and five amazing guest speakers: Brad Hudson, Phillipa Kiripatea, Dena Gould, Sally Hendrick and Gary Keil for a powerful weekend intensive of business development and personal growth this October 9 – 11 called Ultimate Energetic Entrepreneurapalooza! Even if you have plans for the weekend, you won’t miss a thing because you’ll get to watch the replay for two weeks! Act now to ensure your access. Register here.
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This is one of those sorts of posts that I write for me. If you get something from it too, super.
It was Pete’s Angelic Army to my rescue today. I’m in Key West, Florida this weekend for Possibilities in Paradise, an event that I’m a guest speaker at. Yesterday I gave my, “Six Keys to Loving Your Life” presentation which includes me talking about my experiences with depression and suicide. None of the 45 attendees had any idea my talk would touch on suicide, but the audience had numerous people who have been touched personally and deeply by suicide, so there were a lot of tears which also lead to laughs and healing.
Last night we all went on a sunset cruise with a band and open bar. I’ve never attended a personal growth event that also had a strong dash of spring break in it. I also don’t drink very much at all any more because if I drink alcohol I can’t work in the Akashic Records for 48 hours. I’ve also found that for me, alcohol lowers my vibration and makes energy work more difficult. But I’m also not sure how to navigate myself around people who are drinking, wanted the full Key West experience, and since I had no planned work in the Records this weekend I decided to drink. Most people decided to drink. Some more than they have in some time too.
Towards the end of the cruise a few people were in rough shape and I kept an eye on them as I am pretty good at recognizing the face of someone in a black out. I quickly recalled how much I enjoyed the protector role at parties years ago – as a guest or working as a bouncer. I felt my old glory days of college keg parties, keeping friends safe and diffusing situations.
I kept people upright and unhurt as needed on the boat and guided them safely ashore. A group of fellow protectors helped get a couple of folks to cabs and back to the hotel for an early night, then I held up the tail end of our party train down Duval St – the Bourbon Street of Key West. I kept people from verging off on their own into unplanned bar stops, picked some folks up off the ground and did my best to keep the group together and on task to the planned karaoke destination. I had multiple ladies praising me, saying I’m their new best friend, there was even an “I love Andy Grant” scream on the sidewalks a couple of times. I loved it. I ate it all up. Feeling very full of myself. Intoxicated ego reveling in my acclaim.
This morning I felt low as soon as I woke. I wasn’t hungover as I switched to water for hours before going to bed, but my energy was low. As the morning progressed I realized none of the people I helped remembered any of it. I was disappointed and hurt, which then had me judging myself. Was I helping people last night out of the goodness of my being, or was I doing it in anticipation of thanks later. If they didn’t remember my helping them, did I really help anyone? What sort of tool am I that I need to be recognized for helping someone out?
I felt some feelings I’ve felt often, but not in quite a while. I felt invisible and alone, even when surrounded by people. I’d already lost my new best friends from the night before. I recalled my long history of attempting to be the savior, the hero, only to discover that nice guys finish last.
The first speaker this morning asked what we wanted to give up. I said to myself, judgment. He asked us to visualize the person we wanted to be, the person who no longer had what I wanted to give up: judgement. I couldn’t. My judgement of everyone there and myself went into overdrive. Then he spoke about authenticity and had people pair up to share how they really felt. I was on the verge of tears. Every pain of unrequited love or even interest was unleashed and continued to bubble up. I left the group and walked away on my own (another long pattern of mine), I kept trying to feel it to clear it but I’d get a couple of tears to flow, which took the edge off and everything retreated. I couldn’t get myself over the hump to a full release. I only came back to the location after that presentation was over to grab my stuff then walked back to the hotel alone – on the verge of tears a few times, but not getting a full release. I’m acting on the lamest aspects of myself. Did anyone even notice I left? Does anyone care? I wished I could fly home right then.
I get back to my room, do some energy work to clear whatever this shit is; a few more tears. I try journaling and all my 3 roommates comes in one at a time. Nobody speaks to me. Yup, I’m invisible. I judge me, I judge them, I judge this trip a failure.
After contemplating not going at all, I join some folks for the walk to the next event, a restaurant for brunch. Waiting for others to gather there, one person asks, how are you? I Tell her the truth, not good and then I’m crying. I finally feel better, but still not the full release I’m needing.
Through multiple speakers the rest of the day I’m triggered and on the verge of tears. At one point we all sing You Are So Beautiful to ourselves. I lose it. Then we are supposed to celebrate. I hug one of my favorite people. I lose it, crying the hardest of the day finally.
I retreat to my room again, trying to get myself into full-out bawling and wailing to move past this shit. Not happening. I decide to go look for Pete who does powerful work with Angels. I had thought of talking to him earlier this morning, but he was busy. I find him, open my mouth to speak and my throat immediately closes as the tears flow. He stands and says let’s go.
It feels like it takes 20 minutes of sitting with him before I can finally vocalize; I need your help. Then the floodgates open and I’m bawling like a newborn. He does a full angelic scan and clearing on me. Calling in multiple Archangels for love and support. He goes into some labored breathing and painful sounding wails moving the energy within me, feeling my pain. My legs twitch and I sob and sob. At one point Pete is literally choking as he takes on my shit and I wonder if I need to stop this somehow and help him.
He sees lots of old wounds in my heart. Lots of abuse carried in my abdomen, sexual abuse that hasn’t been spoken of. Then some dark stuff not willing to leave. He got “righteously angry” yelling “get out NOW!” twice. With a jolt, I felt lighter and my entire body is quivering. My head feels three feet wide. He opens my crown chakra and says, “Wow.” He usually sees light there for me he sees the whole universe. Pete tells me I’m very well-connected and all the Archangels want me to know how blessed and loved I am.
I finally feel like I’ve released it. Feel fresh and light but also chewed up and spit out at the same time. Pete’s Angelic Army to the rescue. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I don’t recall how many years ago I first heard of Amma, all I knew was she traveled the world hugging people. A couple of weeks ago I learned she was coming to Massachusetts, and was appearing about 20 minutes from my house. In fact she’s visited here each of the past eight years. Last Friday, July 10, was to be our first experience receiving a hug from Amma.
I’d heard there could be long lines and that Amma didn’t finish until she hugged everyone present, at this point she’s hugged over 33 million people! Lori and I got in line at 4:30pm for the program which began at 7pm with the Atma Puja, which is a ceremony for world peace followed by darshan, which is Amma’s embrace of each person.
I feared we would be standing outside in the parking lot for hours, but we were quickly inside the hall with seats, food and lots of smiling people in a holding area. The energy was very uplifting and joyous. I felt sort of punch drunk and giddy just being there. We talked with the people around us, tried some great Indian food and had fun with some of the vendors. I learned that the vendors were not vendors, but volunteers from all over the country. One man pushing wraps with his homemade recipe was a software engineer from California. Around 6pm tokens were handed out and we got in line for the actual ceremony area. Each step felt like I was walking on the moon, or about to start floating away. It was really wild. A few times I was on the verge of tears, and a couple of tears of joy rolled down my check. The hours of waiting seemed to go by very quickly and it took me about 20 minutes to feel grounded and get used to the high vibration of the event.
We sat in the fifth row and saw Amma enter the building and make her way to the stage. She spoke, taught, loved and prayed and it was very powerful even though it wasn’t English. Thankfully one of her people translated as Amma spoke of gratitude, expansion, and peace. After much meditation, humor, mantras and blessings Amma took part in an elaborate costume change and began her compassionate, motherly embraces, known as darshan.
When it was our turn to get on stage it felt a bit chaotic and disorientating. Amma was sitting down and I approached on my knees. I got a very strong hug from Amma and a kiss on the head, then got another hug together with Lori. Amma is the most physically strong hugger I’ve ever come across. She also threw flower petals over us and gave us kisses of chocolate and of love. We also asked for a mantra from Amma which got us into another line and some more time sitting near her. That was my favorite part, being in her presence and watching the joy, the love, and the depth of emotion in the faces of people receiving hugs. Ages of huggees ranged from infants to a 93-year-old, and they all radiated… love and compassion. I could have stayed there witnessing all night.
To receive a mantra, Lori and I each kneeled beside Amma and got a one-armed embrace, a kiss on the head, and a personalized mantra whispered in Sanskrit. Her helpers told us to keep our mantra private and gave us instructions on how to best use the mantras. It was close to 11pm when we finally left and I will definitely see her again. I look forward to being a volunteer next year and being part of the entire event.
I was amazed at the amount of work Amma does for the world. She travels 8 months each year, and has raised and donated millions of dollars for humanitarian aid. I’ve been repeating my mantra multiple times each day for the past week and I feel blessed and supported on a level I’ve never been aware of. Amma rocks!
http://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.png00Andy Granthttp://theandygrant.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/Andy-Grant-Logo.pngAndy Grant2015-07-17 21:28:352015-07-17 21:28:35Meeting Amma, The Hugging Saint
Have you ever heard of an aura? That is the subtle electromagnetic field around you. Have you ever seen an aura? I’ve done exercises that allowed me to catch glimpses of mine in a mirror a few times, and twice I’ve spontaneously seen another person’s. Both times the auras were white. I’ve long heard of cameras that can capture an image of an aura and I even tried to get mine taken in the past, but the camera broke just before my turn. Twice!
A couple of weeks ago I had my chance again and everything worked! Many thanks to Ramona with Aura Insights Aura Photography for making this possible. I thought it was so cool how much gold is in mine as my energy work has me calling on gold the most. Click on Join My List if you want to experience what I’m referring to.
I’m sharing a few different aura photographs along with my own to share how varied they can be. Also note the breakdown of what the colors mean.
A very red aura
RED is the color of strong energy, fire and primal creative force. It can indicate strong passion, mind and will. It can also reflect anger, love, hate or unexpected changes. Red is a color that affects the circulatory and reproductive systems of the body, and awakening of latent abilities and talents.
ORANGE is the color of warmth, creativity and emotions. It is an indication of courage, joy, and socialness. It can reflect an opening of new awareness, or an adjustment to change.
YELLOW is the color of mental activity and can reflect new learning opportunities, lightness, wisdom and intellect. It represents the power of ideas and awakening psychic abilities. Paler yellows often reflect enthusiasm, power of ideas and spiritual development. Around the hairline, pale yellow can indicate optimism.
GREEN is the color of sensitivity and growing compassion. It reflects growth, sympathy and calm. It is a color of abundance, strength and friendliness. It can reflect that a person is reliable and open-minded. Bright bluish greens indicate healing activity.
A predominantly green aura
BLUE is a color of calm and quietness. It reflects devotion, truth and seriousness. It can indicate the ability for telepathy. Lighter blues reflect an active imagination and good intuition. Deeper blues indicate honesty and good judgment and can also indicate that the person has found or is about to find his or her chosen work.
PURPLE is a color of warmth and transmutation. It is a color that shows a blending of the heart and mind, the physical and spiritual. It reflects independence and intuition, as well as important dream activity and can indicate a person who is searching. It reflects an ability to be practical and worldly. The paler shades can reflect humility and spirituality. Reddish purple (magenta) indicates great passion and strength of will.
PINK is a color of compassion, love and purity, and reflects joy, comfort and a sense of companionship. It can indicate a love of beauty, tranquility, and a quiet modest personality.
GOLD reflects dynamic spiritual energy and coming into one’s own power, as well as devotion and harmony. It indicates strong enthusiasm, inspiration and a time of revitalizing and unlimited potential. It is associated with wisdom.
WHITE has all colors in it and when it is a strong shade, indicates truth and purity. It reflects that the energy of the individual is cleansing and purifying itself. It often reflects and awakening of greater creativity.
SILVER TWINKLES are a sign of great creativity, versatility and fertility being activated within the individual’s life.
The color on the LEFT SIDE is normally the vibration coming into your being. The closer it is to you, the sooner it will be felt. A few moments, hours, or as long as a few months.
A very blue aura
The color seen OVER YOUR HEAD is what you experience for yourself now. It is the color that would best describe you. If the color is high, it could mean aspirations, or what you wish to be.
The color on the RIGHT SIDE is traditionally the energy being expressed. The vibrational frequency most likely seen or felt by others around you. Many times, your friends will think this is the energy that you are made of. However, it is what you are putting out to the world.
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