“You’re Just Like Your Father!”

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Did you hear, “You’re just like your father!” often when growing up?

Was it ever meant as a compliment? Was it always a put-down? Was it said sarcastically, with anger, with love…?
Being told we are just like our father was rarely meant to be a good thing for many men I’ve met.

My parents got divorced when I was five years old and it was very acrimonious. My mother didn’t say many good things about my dad. In times of frustration, where my mother and I were butting heads the most, she would sometimes say, “you’re just like your father.”

I clearly remember when I was about seven years old, my grandmother once remarking that I stood like my father. I recall being momentarily stunned, not sure how to receive that. Was it okay to be like my dad? Was she pointing out something wrong about me? And, how did she even know my father? I had no memory of them together.

That was one of the rare bits of evidence that my parents did indeed have some background. I had no memory of them together, hadn’t even seen wedding photos. I had to take their word for it that they were ever married.

Sometimes my dad would say “That’s my boy” with a bit of pride

But the times I heard that the most were when I was in trouble, acting out as a kid, or dealing with depression. It was a very mixed message.

When I first shared this video on Facebook, other men commented that “Like father like son” was another phrase they heard and not as a compliment. Guys said they didn’t like these comparisons when they were growing up, but they choose to take them as compliments as adults.

Many men shared the experience of meeting people later in life who thought their fathers were great guys. I remember how moved I was at my father’s memorial service when so many of his friends told me what a supportive man he had been for them.

Regardless of what other people said, are you comfortable being like your dad?

Can you see the best in your father?

I recently interviewed someone who does an astounding job of that.
Listen to Real Men Feel – Regular Guy Chat with Billy at Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Watch it on YouTube.

Or right here, right now.

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About The Author
Andy Grant

Andy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Infinite Possibilities, and more.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.

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Photo by Harika G on Unsplash

The Interview That Ended My Policy of Always Saying Yes

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For years, I’ve had a standing policy of saying yes to every opportunity to speak. After dropping out of college to avoid a mandatory public speaking class, I’ve since agreed to be on everything from public access television to CNN and ABC’s Nightline, along with countless podcasts, radio shows, and internet programs. That has come to an end courtesy of Jesse Lee Peterson.

Here’s what I said on Facebook the day I was on his show, January 27, 2021.

The Aftermath

That afternoon and night, my YouTube videos we besieged by name-calling and insults – some of which I found to be hilarious. I discovered Jesse had a large following and spouted all sorts of things I don’t align with at all, which is why I’d never heard of him.

The most challenging thing was not to answer back. To just let the hate sit there. Some of the commenters were reported, and YouTube quickly deleted the worst comments. When I found the original interview on JLP’s channel with over 600 ripping me, I was amazed at how easily I could stop reading them and move on. The next morning I was interviewed for an online summit: Embody Your Masculine Summit. That launches later in February, and I felt that balance had been restored to the Force. 🙂

Amid all the attacks online, some light did come through in a handful of messages, comments, and tweets:
“I just watched your interview on Jesse Lee Peterson show and wanted to say keep doing what you are doing and I agree with everything you said 100%.”

I’m not going to link to my appearance as I don’t want to introduce his sewage to more people, but it is just a YouTube search away if you really want to see it.

On Sunday, January 31, I shared this update.

Honestly, this has been a fantastic experience.

The contrast of being attacked online by people who seem to think that’s what a true man does, and spending the weekend in a live virtual event with Mary Morrissey, DreamBuilder Live, gave me such a clear path and choice. All the men living in pain and fear, who think that is the best they can do, makes me truly sad, but it also inspires me. The few brave souls who reached out to thank me for what I shared and to keep going won’t be forgotten.

Thanks to my friend, Jenny, I now ask, “What’s your angle?” when someone asks me to be on their program.

The only opinion of you that matters is your own.

Be good to yourself,
Andy

 

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Photo by camilo jimenez on Unsplash

Recent Guest Appearances

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I continue to be honored with many invites to appear on various podcasts and be part of online events.

On January 12, I was on the Unveiled Podcast as part of a panel on Unlocking Men.
Jordan Bain, Andy Grant, Matthew Koren, and Bradford White discuss what it can mean to unlock men, to help men grow emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and in relationships. You can see it with all the original comments on Facebook. I’ve heard from a number of men and women that this was a conversation they got a lot of insight from.

Unlocking Men

The day before the above show, I was a guest on The Recovery Channel Podcast with Dr. Robb Kelly and Jennifer Lovely. Dr. Robb was a guest on Real Men Feel last October for an episode on The Alcoholic Brain. His co-host Jennifer will be a guest next month offering her perspective on raising you men.

While the pandemic has slowed my training and growth, it hasn’t stopped it.

This month I became certified in Ensofic Reiki, this is from The Modern Mystery School and is the closest to what was handed down to Mikao Usui on Mount Kurama as you can get. If you are in the Littleton, Massachusetts area and want to experience the Cadillac of Reiki, let me know.

Ensofic Reiki

It is the growth and expansion of each soul that feeds the expansion of the Universe.

Be good to yourself,
Andy

 

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From Suicide to Racism: Talking About It All

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I had the pleasure of guesting on a couple of podcasts that were released this week, with some wildly divergent topics. Yet, at the core, racism, and suicide are about dehumanization. Dehumanizing an “other,” or dehumanizing ourselves.

Blake Johnson hosts, Diary of a Mad Black Man, and our initial discussion on racism in America was called WTF!? on Real Men Feel back in May. Nobody is naive enough to think that one conversation will change everything. Still, I do believe that more and more people engaging in open-hearted discussions about closing the gaps between one another can.

In this diary entry, I invite Andy on the podcast to do a part 2 of WTF! Me and Andy connected in the podcast world and created an episode together WTF Ep 189 on Real Men Feel, towards to beginning of June.

Prior to that, we were on a panel together to discuss being black in America but – Andy is a white man. However, as I’ve grown to know him, I have found him to be an ally in this movement towards black liberation, equality, and freedom. We came together because since these episodes, he has used his platform to push the culture forward and educate himself on his own white privilege and use it for good.

This episode is heavy and it is not enough. However, it is one step forward in the right direction to bring change to the society we currently live in. I appreciate Andy for the work he is doing, being honest, vulnerable, and transparent. We are all in this together.

You can listen right here or on your favorite podcast app.

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Suicide Noted is a weekly podcast in which suicide attempt survivors share their stories in their own words. For episode 19, host Sean Wellington talked to Andy in Massachusetts. SPOILER ALERT: I’m Andy in Massachusetts.

In this show, I share my story plus lessons learned and offer advice on how to help people dealing with suicidal thoughts.

3:50– Can you tell me about your suicide attempt?
7:15– Is there a WHY?
10:40– Can you put words to that kind of pain?
12:10– What’s it like to wake up?
15:40– do you ever ideate?
17:00– If you attempt suicide, are you mentally ill?
19:35– Did you ever get a diagnosis that felt right?
20:15– How did people respond?
27:05– When did you start to change?
32:10– How do you reach someone who is suicidal?
36:00– What’s Real Men Feel about?
38:30– What if someone’s contemplating?
39:40– What about to those in positions of support?
42:15– How’s the lockdown been?
46:20– How can people work with you?
49:10– What do you do for fun?

I hope you find some value in these podcasts. Please share them with others.

If you know of a show you think I should be on, tell me about it.

Be good to yourself,
Andy

 

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