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From Suicide to Racism: Talking About It All

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I had the pleasure of guesting on a couple of podcasts that were released this week, with some wildly divergent topics. Yet, at the core, racism, and suicide are about dehumanization. Dehumanizing an “other,” or dehumanizing ourselves.

Blake Johnson hosts, Diary of a Mad Black Man, and our initial discussion on racism in America was called WTF!? on Real Men Feel back in May. Nobody is naive enough to think that one conversation will change everything. Still, I do believe that more and more people engaging in open-hearted discussions about closing the gaps between one another can.

In this diary entry, I invite Andy on the podcast to do a part 2 of WTF! Me and Andy connected in the podcast world and created an episode together WTF Ep 189 on Real Men Feel, towards to beginning of June.

Prior to that, we were on a panel together to discuss being black in America but – Andy is a white man. However, as I’ve grown to know him, I have found him to be an ally in this movement towards black liberation, equality, and freedom. We came together because since these episodes, he has used his platform to push the culture forward and educate himself on his own white privilege and use it for good.

This episode is heavy and it is not enough. However, it is one step forward in the right direction to bring change to the society we currently live in. I appreciate Andy for the work he is doing, being honest, vulnerable, and transparent. We are all in this together.

You can listen right here or on your favorite podcast app.

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Suicide Noted is a weekly podcast in which suicide attempt survivors share their stories in their own words. For episode 19, host Sean Wellington talked to Andy in Massachusetts. SPOILER ALERT: I’m Andy in Massachusetts.

In this show, I share my story plus lessons learned and offer advice on how to help people dealing with suicidal thoughts.

3:50– Can you tell me about your suicide attempt?
7:15– Is there a WHY?
10:40– Can you put words to that kind of pain?
12:10– What’s it like to wake up?
15:40– do you ever ideate?
17:00– If you attempt suicide, are you mentally ill?
19:35– Did you ever get a diagnosis that felt right?
20:15– How did people respond?
27:05– When did you start to change?
32:10– How do you reach someone who is suicidal?
36:00– What’s Real Men Feel about?
38:30– What if someone’s contemplating?
39:40– What about to those in positions of support?
42:15– How’s the lockdown been?
46:20– How can people work with you?
49:10– What do you do for fun?

I hope you find some value in these podcasts. Please share them with others.

If you know of a show you think I should be on, tell me about it.

Be good to yourself,
Andy

 

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Am I Racist?

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I’ve long said that we are all racist.

Nobody wants to own up to being a fully conscious, angry, attacking racist, but racism is much more than that. I can say that I am a racist because I’m sure there are ways I treat people of color differently than white people. I might like to pretend that I’m not aware of them. But I am aware of some habits (laughing at racial jokes, being more on guard around black men, avoiding “bad” areas). Because I’m a nice guy, I and other whites don’t call that racist.

Racism is a spectrum. It isn’t only evil acts of violence against people of color. It is a slight, a joke, a judgment you don’t even realize you made. It’s moving your wallet into a front pocket before nearing certain groups or halting a conversation until someone is out of earshot. It is insidious. If we aren’t willing to acknowledge it, to be more aware of it, it will never be gone.

For my podcast, Real Men Feel, I recently did an episode with Chris Miller called What Can White People Do About Racism? Perhaps naively, some comments surprised me.

A few of the first Facebook comments included:

“I find the suggestion that white men should do something about racism, highly offensive.”
“In the first country to abolish slavery within 150 years of existence?”
“I am pissed off with all this talk about white racism.”

There were many more mentioning the end of slavery, crimes against whites, and just being sick and tired of talking about racism. I’m pretty sure most of those initial dozen comments were from people only reacting to the title and who never listened to the show.

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The feedback made me finally read, White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism. A book I’d heard mentioned many times and that my wife had encouraged me to read for months. Had I read this book before doing the podcast, I could have written most of the defensive comments ahead of time with tremendous accuracy.

By the end of White Fragility, it can feel like white people can’t and shouldn’t say anything ever again. Everything is offensive to somebody. Issues of race run deep and consist of many different layers. Reading White Fragility is discovering there is a Grand Canyon of racism in you.

The harsh, good/evil line defining racism makes us comfortable but also keeps us in it. Pointing to a solitary, violent act and calling it racism is easy. It is much more challenging to see the subtle ways I operate as a racist.

It is tough to say I liked reading White Fragility. I am glad I read it, but it is challenging and upsetting. I was, at times, defensive, dismissive, and in agreement. Everything besides agreeing is in alignment with the book’s premise, so any reaction you have can be seen as proving the point, or you can use it as fuel for your denial that it is all nonsense.

Ideally, over time perhaps, you’ll soften while reading it. I’m not even going to talk about the content of the book more, because it will most likely just trigger you and make you not want to read it.

I found reading this book is best as a solitary, private experience giving you time to pause and examine your own experiences, beliefs, and reactions to what you read.

The unconscious biases of white people have been enforced for centuries. Uncovering them is not pleasurable, but I do believe it can make a better world for all people. White Americans have been socialized to embrace so many ideologies that keep racism intact. Before you change anything, you have to become aware of it.

If you are willing to dig deep, be challenged, and be wrong about many of your thoughts and actions over the years, I recommend reading this.

I’m glad I didn’t read White Fragility when I first heard of it. I don’t believe I would have been as open to receiving it without first having been part of many public discussions about race on a variety of podcasts in the past few months.

As a coach and life-long student, I can’t pretend to guess how many times I’ve heard that to grow, we need to get out of our comfort zone. NOT talking about race is a huge comfort zone for white people. We all need to be willing to be uncomfortable but know that we are safe in doing so. It takes effort. Hopefully, we give becoming more aware of our conscious and unconscious racism effort. But our privilege as white people is that we don’t have to.

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Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Healer, and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities, and Ritual Master with the Modern Mystery School.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing. He is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor to the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel. He is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be.